With all the talk going on about the new Broadway musical Diana, especially since its unconventional Netflix premiere earlier this month, I thought now was as good a time as any to get back to my blog. The internet has not been kind to this show. In fact, it has been met with nearly universal vitriol. So much so that I had already drawn two conclusions before I began to examine it for this post: first, that I wouldn’t have anything to add to the larger conversation, and second, that I had read so much bad press on the work that I was fully prepared to listen to the cast album with low expectations.
If my life had an audible narrator, this is the part where they would say “he was not prepared.”
Diana is a new musical with music and lyrics by the team who gave us Memphis, David Bryan and Joe DiPietro. Joe DiPietro also wrote the book. If the name David Bryan rings any bells you may recognize him as the keyboardist from Bon Jovi. The show was set to open in March of 2020, but the COVID-19 pandemic has delayed it. However, it was professionally filmed at the Longacre Theatre last year and can now be streamed on Netflix. As of today, Diana has yet to officially open on Broadway.
Now, I have not seen the Netflix pro-shoot of Diana because I really try and focus only on cast albums here. And judging solely by the cast album, I can say with certainty that this show deserves every ounce of criticism that it gets. The music is ridiculous, the lyrics unbearable, and the performances seem ripped from a sketch comedy show. What’s left? The orchestrations? Ha! Don’t get me started. The whole thing had me scratching my head as I tried to make out whether Diana was intended as a work of satire. It’s a wonder it made it out of workshops, let alone to Broadway!
Here the British royal family belts out songs that would be at home on a Kidz Bop Goes Rock Opera album while the People’s Princess navigates her life around villains Charles (whom she calls “a third rate Henry VIII”) and Camilla (“Godzilla”). The only song with any real charm is Diana’s ballad “I Will.” Aside from that, this album is saturated with the worst tunes and lyrics you’ve ever heard. Yes, even worse than that. And it’s an hour and nineteen minutes long! What gives it the right? Indeed, any one of the Rusical episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race would have put out a better cast album than this.
Diana still awaits an opening night (November 2, in case you’re a masochist). I think I’ll skip the pro-shoot after all. Heck, I may even move to London where I’ll be safe from this monstrosity. Heaven knows it will never play the West End.
Music and Lyrics: David Bryan and Joe DiPietro
Cast Album I Listened To: 2021 Original Broadway Cast
Highlight: “I Will”
Overall Impression: The real Diana was too good a person to be memorialized with this mess.